A Momma’s Heart

Back in September 2016 my oldest child married. I didn’t remember to get a family picture. I didn’t capture meaningful moments with extended family I hadn’t seen. And I didn’t give a tearful marriage and love speech that made Ant & Jannelle cry either. I didn’t plan to be at such a loss for words. It was such a whirlwind of love during the whole wedding.

You would think I was referring to Anthony & Jannelle’s whirlwind of love for each other (which is crazy adorable). But, no this momma was actually talking about my love for my first born, my first true love of my life, finding true love. Watching your son walk into manhood on his terms is a proud moment. I cherish it. I’m still beaming. Be it from watching my mistakes… it’s all right.

I made a different path for myself, one of teen pregnancy with my high school sweetheart, Anthony’s father. I was the teen mom at a loss when Ant fell and busted his head open. Too much of a baby myself to tough through giving the best breast milk a loving mother could provide. A teen self-absorbed in going out and having fun with friends. Doing my make-up and fixing my hair to sneak out while we (he) slept at my parent’s house.

Well, this is the past. And he turned out fine. I want to say.

But, now he’s married.

Now I ask myself- did I do my part? Did I teach him to respect a lady and love well? Did I teach him to respect her? To treat her like the queen she deserves to be treated as?  Did I teach Anthony to love her for her? Even when she gets baby bump belly or love handles? Love through thick and thin? Does he know what thick and thin means?

Heck- do I know what thick and thin means? Because the truth is 10 failed serious relationships and marriages later. I might be exaggerating a little. But yet the truth is I was divorced to many times before my 30th birthday. What could I possibly have taught Anthony and Jannelle about love?

Anthony taught me. Anthony raised me. Anthony could still counsel me and I’d take every word like it was the president speaking. Even when he was in trouble as a teen, he made me feel better.

Today, I am a good mom. Anthony’s little brother and sister adore him. I wonder what kind of mom I would have been today had I not been a young mom. Anthony’s mom. I can pray that he would write a different story of his mom. But, what ever it is. It’s his. And this is mine.

My love for Anthony is what made me be a better mom. I didn’t have to waste time wanting to be a better mom. He turned me into one.